Beta Day

My big day is tomorrow. I go for my beta (blood pregnancy test) tomorrow at 8:30. I'll probably have my results a little after lunch. However, DH and I have agreed that we're not telling anyone, one way or the other, until Christmas. We're going to be at my parents that weekend, and we've decided to tell everyone then. Sadly, that means I can't even post it here b/c then people would know :-)

I promise to post as soon as we've told our family!!

The Trigger is gone!

In an IVF cycle, you take a trigger shot two days before the egg retrieval. That shot is HCG (the hormone they look for on a pregnancy test), and it's known as a trigger. I takes between 9 and 12 days to be totally out of your system. Until then, any pregnancy test will show up positive, whether your pg or not. I've been testing on and off this week to see when it's out of my system, and as of today it is. I finally got a stark white test (never thought I'd want one of those)! Now, if I get a + next week, I'll know it's real!

Day 5

Hello everyone!

I'm off bedrest today!!! Woohoo!!!! I'm still trying to keep relaxed and calm though. I tend to stress out about everything, and I know that's not good for my little embies. For now, I'm drinking LOTS of Gatorade and resting. I'm trying to focus my energy on being positive and sending love to my little ones!

DH has been really good too. He took Monday and Tuesday off work to take care of me, and he was so sweet about it all. On Monday night he even made me s'mores and brought them up to me in bed!! Even now he's taking over working with the more difficult clients so that I don't feel the stress.

I just heard from my nurse, and she had good news! I still have 4 embies growing. 3 are blasts now, and 1 is not quite there yet, but still growing. So, I could've done a day 5 transfer afterall. Now she thinks I WILL have blasts to freeze! We'll know for sure tomorrow or Friday. I just hope the two they put in on Monday are growing just as well!

Baby photo

Here's the picture of our babies that they gave us at our embryo transfer yesterday. I had to share :-)

Stuck in bed

Ok, I guess this is going to be a long post. There's a whole lot of updating I need to do. It's the right time though, I'm stuck on bedrest, and DH is being really strict about it. It took about 30 minutes of negotiating to convince him it was ok for me to brush my teeth! (There was NO way I could convince him to let me take a shower - that's tonight!) Here's the recap so far:

Thursday (Thanksgiving) - We spent the day with DH's father and family. There was quite a group there, so it was easy to hide that I wasn't feeling 100%. I also got to talk to his brother-in-law for a while. He's having a hard time that I'm not going to go into here, but sufficed to say, it made me appreciate my marriage even more! It was really good that I didn't have to take any shots that day. (My one day off)

Friday - Our egg retrieval was scheduled for 11am, so we had to be there at 10. I was so scared, but it really wasn't bad at all. They put the IV in really quickly after we got there, and DH kept me laughing the whole time until they took me back for the operation. I remember them telling me to sit down on the operating table, then I got dizzy and layed down. The next thing I knew I was waking up in my little room and Chris was there. I was a little sore, but I didn't end up needing anything other than Tylenol.

Saturday - I continued with my Gatorade (32 ounces AT LEAST) every day. They also called with my first update:
21 eggs retrieved
18 mature
15 fertilized
12 still growing

Sunday - This was a bad day for me. A scheduling nurse called me early in the morning to say that all 12 of my embies were still growing and to tell me that I was scheduled for a transfer the next day at 4pm. This made no sense b/c they had told me from the beginning that they were going to do a day 5 transfer (Wed) as long as there were more than 2 still growing well. Since I was so confused and worried, they had my nurse call. Sadly, my nurse gave me a more accurate (but less happy) report that explained why they were moving my transfer.
2 at 2 cells and growing slowly
8 at 4 cells and growing well with significant fragmentation (apparently fragmentation is bad for embies)
1 at 3 cells and growing ok
1 at 4 cells and growing really well

Monday - My nurse called in the morning to let me know that they were starting to look better, but they still wanted me to come in for a transfer. So, we got there at 3:30 for a 4pm transfer. I was SO nervous, but it turns out that was for nothing. The hardest part was having to do it with a full bladder! I had to go to the bathroom so bad, and I just had to wait for them to finish. Before we got there, DH and I were going to push for them to transfer 3 since it was a day 3 transfer (less likely to stick than day 5). However, my dr convinced us to just do 2 b/c they were very high quality embies, and he was REALLY afraid we'd end up with triplets!

They transferred 2 "perfect" 8-celled embryos, and there were about 5 or 6 that we're still watching grow. If they continue until Wednesday or Thursday, we'll freeze them and be able to have embies for frozen transfer later. We'd really like that, so please keep your fingers crossed for us!!! We'll know if any of them made it by the end of the week.

As I said at the beginning of the post, I'm on complete bedrest until 5pm tonight (24 hours from the transfer). I am then on "limited activity" for the rest of the week. I want them to stick SO badly!!!

I triggered!

Sorry for not posting yesterday. I really don't have a good excuse other than the fact that my ovaries hurt :-)

Anyway, as I'm sure you can tell from the title, I finally got to do my trigger shot yesterday (11pm). That means that I have my egg retrieval at 11am on Friday morning. They are surprisingly precise about the timing on this one. We had to do the trigger within 5 minutes of the assigned time, and they try to start the retrieval at exactly the time they assign. If it's too short, you don't get the full effect of the meds (they make the side of the follicle detach from the actual egg) and if they wait too long, I'll ovulate on my own and the whole cycle will be a bust b/c they won't get the eggs out with the needle.

The shot wasn't too bad. I'm a little sore today, but it was a IM (intra-muscular) shot, so that probably explains it. It was also the first one that DH had to give me. Since it needed to be IM, I had to take it in my hip/butt. I can't reach that so well, so it was all on him. He did a really good job, especially considering my nervousness. He stayed really calm, and I barely felt it at all. He did, however, feel that he needed to draw on me before giving the shot (for his own entertainment). We use emla cream to numb the area before the shot, so we circle the area where the cream is going before putting it on. That way you can tell where the numb areas are when the cream has been absorbed/wiped off. DH decided to draw pictures to add to the design of the circle. So, I have a sunshine (the circle), a computer (?), a puppy (?), and his signature on my butt cheek. Hopefully it'll wash off in the shower today!

Here are my numbers from yesterday:

Right: 15, 17.5, 18.5, 18.5, 19, 20.5
Left: 12.5, 13, 15.5, 16
Lining: 13.6
Estrogen 2100+

The eggs will continue to grow between now and the retrieval. so we're all very hopeful that we'll get lots of good and mature eggs (anything over 15mm could contain an egg, 18 pretty much guarantees it).

The other good thing is that I don't have to take any shots, get any blood drawn, or go in for an ultrasound today. It feels kind of like a vacation :-) I'll find out how many eggs we have before we leave tomorrow, and I'll find out how many successfully fertilize on Saturday. I REALLY hope this works for us!

Monitoring Appt #3

My appointment today went pretty well. I got the backup ultrasound tech today. She couldn't find my left ovary for a while, so that was kinda painful. Even when she did find it, she said she could only see one side of it, so she "probably missed several" whatever that means. Anyway, here are my biggest 4 on each side:

Right: 17, 17, 16, 15
Left: 14, 13, 12, 11
Estrogen: 1128

I just got a call from my nurse. I go back tomorrow at 8:45, and my meds are staying exactly the same once again. She said that she thinks I'll either trigger on Wednesday or Thursday night and have ER on Friday or Saturday. I'm getting nervous now!!! I hope I can trigger this week. Otherwise, I'm going to run out of Menopur! (I only have enough for 3 more injections assuming my dose stays the same)

Monitoring Visit #2

I went in this morning for my 2nd monitoring visit. It was quite an interesting experience. On the weekends, my clinic shuts down all of their offices but one. So, everyone who needs weekend monitoring comes to one location. Needless to say, it was quite crowded! My appointment was at 8:15, but we didn't get out of there until at least 9:30! Here are my results:

Estrogen: 501
Left: 4 measurable follies - 10, 9, 8, 8
Right 3 measurable folles - 12, 11, 10, 9
Total = between 18 and 22
Lining = 8.5

They say that I'm "progressing well", so I guess that's a good thing. I'm keeping my meds the same again, so I guess that means they're happy. I go back again on Monday morning.

On another note, I just want to say that my Menopur is starting to HURT! If I didn't know better, I'd think someone was just wiggling the needle around rather than actually injecting me with medicine :-( Oh well, I'm probably halfway done, so I'll get through it. Last night I had to inject myself in a Days Inn parking lot in Clinton, MD (not the nicest area). If I can do that, I can definitely make it another 5 or 6 days!

First monitoring appt.

They let me start my stims on Monday. Apparently, my Lupron eval. went well :-) I had 20 antral follicles (the little tiny ones that were visible when my ovaries are at rest), and my estrogen level was 45. So, I started two more shots. Now here's my regiment:

• Lupron 5 units (down from 20) every morning around 6am
• Menopur 37.5 units every night around 7pm
• Follistim (pen) 108 units every night around 7pm

I went for my first monitoring appointment today, and went pretty well. I have 9 follies on each side, which is good. However, they're still really small (one is almost at 8mm, and there are a couple around 6mm, and the others are even smaller). My estrogen level is 142, so it's going up, which is good. I'd like it to go faster, but they're afraid of overstimming me because of my PCOS. I guess they're going slow to be safe, and it's better to be careful. I really don't want OHSS or to be cancelled!

They did tell me that most people at my clinic trigger on day 10, so I'm almost halfway through with my stims (today is day 4). That's a very good thing because my stomach is starting to get pretty bruised and sore. I think I'm going to start using my numbing cream on my stomach for my evening shots. I was planning to "just suck it up" for these, but it's getting a bit painful.

I just have a feeling I'll be doing my egg retrieval on Thanksgiving. Wouldn't that be fun? I'm going back on Saturday morning at 8:15. I think I'm getting addicted to being monitored. I hate being "stabbed and probed" (that's what DH calls it), but I I like knowing what's going on even more!

We have cabinets

Our house is really coming along now! We have cabinets, and hardwood floors! They just built the stacked stone fireplace, and I love it. It is sooo beautiful, even better than I was hoping. They have the granite in too, and that has exceeding my expectations as well. The name of the color is Giallo Veniziano, but DH insists on calling it "jello" :-) (boys!) We've picked out all of the furniture too, and I can't wait to see how it is going to turn out! They say we can close the first week of December, so that's really exciting too. I did just realize, however, that we need to start packing like yesterday! I think that's going to be my project for the next week.

IVF update

Hi! Sorry I was MIA for a little bit. Things have been a bit crazy, and I've been having lots of headaches lately that have made using my laptop an upleasant experience. I started Lupron on Tuesday (the drug that is supposed to suppress my ovaries so that they'll be better able to respond when I start stims). It hasn't been that bad, but it was a bit hard to give myself that first shot. I just sat there for about 5 minutes with the needle poised over my stomach negotiating with myself :-) I think DH was about to push the needle in for me if I hadn't finally pulled it together!!

I'm not having too many s/e at this point. The worst are the Lupron headaches. They're almost as bad as a migraine, but at least I can still function. From what I hear, they get better once I start the stims, so I'm (hopefully) on the home stretch. I took my last birth control pill yesterday, so I'm waiting on AF again. Once she gets here, I go in for my Lupron eval to make sure I'm "totally supressed" (no cysts, low estrogen level, no signs of ovulation whatsoever). If I pass, I start stims that night, and 9 - 12 days later I have my egg retrieval. I'm already spotting, so I'm expecting to see her soon!

She got here

I just wanted to share that AF finally arrived! She got here yesterday (Sunday) and I started my birth control pills the same day. I guess we're on our way now. I have my mock embryo transfer next week and I start my Lupron (the first shots) on the 7th. My nurse, Cathy, said that my schedule should arrive in the mail today or tomorrow. I'm nervous, scared, worried, excited and happy all at once!

Stuck

I know I should post more often. There have definitely been things going on, but I haven't even had the ability to sit down and write about them. First, I'm still waiting for my period to get here. It's taking SO LONG!!! I finished my Provera a week ago, so I'm really not sure what the holdup is. As soon as she gets here, I start birth control pills and my IVF adventure is officially started.

The whole insurance thing I wrote about yesterday fell apart :( I don't really feel like going into it all again, but it's probably enough to say we're back to paying $22k for shared risk. I know it's a whole lot of money, but it's the only way we have a guarantee of any sort. It covers up to 6 cycles of IVF and any frozen cycles that we can do in between those cycles. Plus, if we decide to quit at any time, or if we do the 6 cycles and end up with no baby, we get all of our money back. We decided that the reduced stress of knowing EXACTLY what it's going to cost is worth the extra cost if we happen to be lucky enough to get pregnant on the first IVF cycle.

I went to my injections class yesterday. There was so much to learn! I think I'm about as ready as I'm going to be for it to all get going. The only really bad part was that they made me take 2 practice shots at the end of the class. I was totally not prepared!!! I gave myself a shot in my stomach right there in the clinic, but I couldn't pull it together enough for my husband to give me a shot in my hip/butt while we were there. We took the syringe home and were able to do it last night. Actually, his shot hurt less than mine did!

Now we just need my period to get here!!

a little better...

First, I want to thank everyone who offered support either as a comment to my last post or by sending me an email. It makes me feel better to know that people care.

After my last post, I had a good cry. It's amazing the difference that can make. I feel better now. I am still stressed out about the whole IVF thing (the shots, the cost, the fear it won't work, etc), but I feel like I can handle it. Moreover, I feel like we can handle it. When I had my mini-breakdown, DH was right there to hold me and promise it would be ok. It may be hard, but we will get through this.

Once I calmed down, I found an insurance plan that will cover 50% of our IVF costs. That means we'll probably still end up paying $6000 or so, but that's better than it was. I am going to have to deal with the fact that it's an HMO, so I'll have to beg for a referral back to the reproductive endocrinologist. The thing is, I have to believe they'll give me the referral. We're not a borderline case, so it's pretty clear that we need the specialist. Hopefully they'll see it the same way!

Insurance :(

IVF is a really expensive procedure. I'm sure everyone already knows this, but it's becoming more and more obvious to me with each day. Well, I suppose it's more accurate to say it's becoming more real to me. Finding a way to pay for all of this has been such a roller coaster. First, I was devastated because it was going to cost $10,500 + the cost of meds for one try (or $22,000 + meds for up to 6 tries with a refund if it doesn't work). I had no idea how we would come up with the money.

I prayed about it, and 3 days later I got a notice that said I could participate in a study that would reduce the cost to $4,500 and would cover the meds. I felt like it would be ok suddenly. The next day, when I called the study coordinator to start the paperwork to enroll in the study, I found out I don't qualify because of my PCOS :-( I don't understand why they sent the forms and got my hope up in the first place! They're the ones who diagnosed my PCOS!!!

Next, I realized that I am responsible for our company's health insurance plan, and we're scheduled to renew on November 1st. So, I started my quest to find insurance that would cover IVF. I talked to one broker who said he had a plan that would work for us. We got to the point of sending in the application then he realized they can't offer the plan to people in Maryland (grrrr!!!!) Then a friend of mine said that her company had a plan that offers IVF. Unfortunately, no one seems to be able to replicate that plan for us, even the woman who sold it to them! Now, I'm just about to fall apart. This is all too much!!!

Oh yeah, and we're building a house too

I forgot to include this info in my post earlier today. In addition to all the "baby stuff" as my husband calls it, we're also in the home stretch of building a new house. We signed the contract back in March, so we had no idea that all of this would happen at the same time. As it is now, they're done with all of the exterior stuff (roofing, brick, doors, windows, etc) and the interior framing. They were supposed to start drywall this past week, but it rained heavily every day they tried to do it. So, we're still waiting. They still say that we'll be able to move in around Thanksgiving. I think it will be December. Either way, it's all happening at once, and that's really overwhelming. It looks like our embryo transfer for IVF will be right in the same timeframe (late November to early December). I just really hope I can keep my sanity!!!

Intro to my life

I can't sleep. I woke up at 6am, and it's been a hopeless cause since then. So, I decided to post. I guess there's too much on my mind to sleep. Right now I feel like I'm right on the verge of either getting all my dreams or totally losing control. There's far too much going on in my life.

DH and I have been trying to get pregnant for about a year now with no luck. Well, I suppose I should qualify that a little bit. I feel like we've been trying for a year, but I think he'd say it's more like 6 months. I stopped taking birth control pills on my birthday last year (August 2005), but we didn't start "really trying" until April 2006. Either way, I'm still not pregnant :-(

After taking all of the Clomid I'm allowed, 6 months worth (which was the only way I'd ovulate), my doctor finally referred me to a specialist. I went there two weeks ago, and it all feels like a whirlwind since then. I apparently have PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome), which explains my lack of a period without medical intervention (Clomid or Provera). So, he put me Metformin. I've heard so many scary stories about the side effects, so we'll see how that goes. I don't start taking it until later today b/c I had an HSG yesterday, and apparently HSGs can be dangerous if you're on Met (who'd have known?) At least everything came back normal with that test!

We also found out that we have serious problems with MFI (male factor infertility). When we got the results of his semen analysis back we were very surprised. He has 19% motility (should be 50+), severe viscosity, only 780,000 live sperm in the sample (should be 8 million+), and 6% morphology (should be 15%+). All of those numbers add up to a pretty good explanation of why we haven't gotten pregnant yet. DH hasn't really accepted it yet. He says he wants to wait and see a specialist (urologist) to see if he can fix it all. The reproductive endocrinologist told me that "there are just too many issues for us to really expect a solution to them all" and I'm inclined to believe him.

We have another appointment with the re on Monday to discuss where we go from here. He wanted to get all of our test results back before "moving forward." However, he has already told me that he thinks that IVF with ICSI is really our only option. DH is skeptical. He thinks that they are "just trying to sell the most expensive product." I really don't think that's the case! He hasn't been able to make it to any of the earlier appointments, so he's just been hearing the messages from me. I'm hoping that it will help him to be there on Monday. That way he can ask his questions in person, directly to the doctor.