Feeling Guilty

So, have you ever done something, thinking it was the right thing?  Then, you start to wonder.  You know all the reasons you made the decision, and they all seemed so good at the time, but now doubt and worry start to creep in.  Now it doesn't seem like such a clear-cut good decision.

Yeah, I'm there right now.  Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my twins already, and I DO want them.  I'm just wondering if we really did the right thing going through IVF again while Beanie is so young.  She's going to barely be 2 when they are born.  Plus, should we have really risked mulitples when we put our embies back?  I know they didn't even expect one to stick, but still...  Now we're going to be outnumbered.  There will be no more "breaks" for anyone, and I know I get short tempered with Beanie if I don't get breaks every once in a while.  What do we do now?  Plus, I'm now having Braxton Hicks already (at least that's what we think they are), and we have the scary bleeds.  It's all seeming so overwhelming right now, and I'm wondering if we can do it.  Heck, let's be honest.  I'm wondering if I can do it.  Maybe it's hormones, but I'm scared.

worrying

We had our NT scan today and the u/s was great. Both babies are measuring right on target (to the day actually). They cooperated to have their measurements taken immediately, and then they promptly began bouncing around, kicking, and waving their arms at us. It was SOOO cute!!! DH even had his first "Daddy moment" when he told Baby A "Hey - Stop kicking your brother or sister!!!"  The actual nuchal fold measurement was perfect (1.5), and there were no soft markers for any genetic issues.

The bloodwork, on the other hand, was a different issue. I had VERY low PAPP-A levels. According to the peri, this is an indicator of either increased risk of Downs or a placental issue (or both I suppose). So, he did an additional u/s himself. He looked at the babies, and his exact words were "Everything here is perfect. Neither one looks even remotely like there's a Downs concern." Then he found "a bleed" with each baby. Baby A has one opposite the placenta that measures 10cm x 1cm, and Baby B has one on the side of the sac that measures 2.5cm x 1.5cm. Based on his advice, we're going back in three weeks for additional bloodwork and another u/s. He thinks that my blood results are completely caused by the bleeds, but "he can't prove it yet." 

Now, I'm a little concerned about the potential of DS (1:35 for Baby A and 1:43 for Baby B if you don't take the bleeds into account), and I'm a LOT concerned about the bleeds. At this point, I am trusting the experience of my peri who says that he really thinks the bleeds will clear up and we'll be fine, and the research I've done does say that the bleeds could explain the blood results as well. So, I guess I just wait now. Any prayers or positive thoughts would be greatly appreciated!