The Life of Bean

Spilling the Beans

2011-02-03T21:15:00.001-05:00

Ok, I have to admit something. I've been keeping a secret. It probably doesn't seem like anything major to anyone else, but it's a big deal to me. Well, it's a big deal to our whole little family. I suppose it's time to fess up now.

I'm going to quit my job. Starting in September, I'm going to be a SAHM again. For a year and a half I was home with Beanie full-time. Even after that, I was home with her. She went to preschool or daycare some of the day, and a times, she was even there from 9 to 3. Even then, I dropped her off in the morning and picked her up every day. I was only able to be home with the minis until 7 months, and it's been killing me. I miss them SO much. I hate that there is someone else holding them and experiencing all the firsts with them. We're going to change that.

When we did the math, we realized that putting all three girls into preschool next year will only cost a little less than what I make. As we looked at the numbers, we realized that it's completely possible for me to make enough money from small business clients and/or sleep coaching clients to cover the difference. So, we're going to do it. Beanie will still go to Pre-K next year because I'm not ready to take on homeschooling the year before she starts Kindergarten. The minis will be home with me full-time.

We took the first step this week by not returning the enrollment paperwork for Beanie's preschool and enrolling her at a cute local preschool. I'm terrified on so many levels. What if I don't make enough money? What if the new school doesn't prep her for K as well as her current one? What if I can't handle being with the minis full-time? Basically, what if this is a mistake?!?

Wish me luck!

Christmas 2010

2010-12-04T21:53:00.001-05:00

Many Memories Tree Christmas 5x7 folded card

Make a statement with Shutterfly Christmas photo cards.

View the entire collection of cards.

Christmas Card Time (I hope!)

2010-12-01T15:57:00.000-05:00

Some people might call us crazy, but we packed the whole crew up this past weekend for a drive to Easton so that we could get photos taken for our Christmas cards. A friend of mine referred us to a photographer who met us there (2 hours away!) in the FREEZING COLD for a 30 minute photo shoot. It was supposed to be longer, but keeping the munchkins cooperative any longer than that, was just asking too much. The minis were functioning on only one nap for the day, and Bean was going with nada!

The plan is to get creative this year (and save a little money!) In the past, we've had photo cards made at the portrait studio when we took our family photos. This year, I'm going to try to do it myself! I should be able to go to Shutterfly and just upload them, right? They have super cute Christmas Cards to use as templates, and they even have Holiday Cards if you prefer! I honestly think their options are better than the ones you find at the portrait studio anyway! I've made photo books there in the past, so I know it's an easy process with a great outcome. I'm actually considering making one for my parents this year. They keep saying that they don't want a present from us, but I know they'd love something with pics of the girls. Hmm...maybe Gift tags or a calendar too! This could be dangerous! :-)

Oh, and for any of you out there with blogs, they are running a great promotion right now that allows you to get 50 free cards. Just click here to get more info!

I'll update when I get my final images back!

My little Bear

2010-07-07T22:15:00.001-04:00

This is my beautiful little Bear in her helmet. DH didn't want me to even take any photos of it, but it's part of her babyhood. I know that we regret not having photos of Beanie in her Pavlik harness, so I figured it will probably be the same with this helmet eventually. She has Brachycephaly. Basically, this is a big word that means her head is a little too much like a circle, and not enough like an oval. it's too wide, particularly in the back. This helmet will hold the width of her head stationary so that future growth will be front to back rather than side to side. It doesn't hurt her, but I do think it's annoying. She has to wear it 23 hours a day, and I think it's kind of hot. The thing is, I feel sad for her. Her sisters are naturally small and eat a ton. She's chunkier. She's the one with a helmet. She's the one who is still in PT when her twin is crawling around the room. It seems like the little girl just can't get a break. So, I just want to take the time to point out that she is the sweetest little person I've ever met. She always has a smile and a hug for us, and she is incredibly patient and tolerant of her sisters (both of whom LOVE to climb on her). She is loving, and peaceful, and a wonderful little person. On top of that, she has the most beautful big blue eyes that I have ever seen.

We love you Bear!!!!

Photos

2010-07-04T21:26:00.012-04:00

We decided to suck up the stress and take our crew to have photos done yesterday. Yes it was stressful, but that's to be expected when you take three little girls to a photo place from 4pm until 7pm. It was so worth it though!

Here are some of my favorites:

My girls together

What happened right after the last photo, when the minis decided that sitting up wasn't all that it was cracked up to be

Twins (Bear is just a bit unsure of the whole thing, but Bird thinks it's hilarious)

Bird

Bear and Beanie

Leaving my girls

2010-06-19T21:24:00.002-04:00

Monday morning I am heading back to work (full-time). I've been kinda working a little here and there since I got pregnant with Beanie. Actually, I worked pretty much full-time until about a month or so before she was born, but I was a contractor, and that "work" was from a variety of clients that didn't require me full-time onsite. This is going to be different. I'm leaving the house at 7:30 am, and I won't be back until 4:30 or so. Beanie's life isn't really going to change much. She'll just get to preschool 30 minutes early, and leave 30 minutes late. I'm not even sure if she'll notice! I know I'm super lucky. I'm going to be working 10 - 15 minutes from home and 5 minutes from Beanie's school. Plus, I almost made it until the minis were 8 months old (one week shy) and that I will be home before 5pm every night, but it doesn't keep me from being sad. I didn't start working again (at all) after Beanie was born until she was 15 months old. She was walking, talking a bit, and even trying to use the big girl potty. The minis are still so little. Bird is trying to crawl now, but Bear is still not close. They are both getting services from the county, OT for Bird and PT for Bear, and neither of them is talking at all. They are just starting to get the hang of eating pureed solids!

I'm sure they'll be fine. We have an amazing nanny, who loves them like they are related. She's the really small blond person hiding behind Bird the the pic. She'll take great care of them. She has already been part of their little lives for the past 6 months, and I know she'll be great. I just don't feel ready to leave yet. I feel like they still need me, and I think I'm a little afraid that I'll be replaced as the #1 person in their worlds. Wish me luck and lots of strength. I think I'm going to need it on Monday morning!

Big Girl Bed

2010-06-01T19:36:00.002-04:00

Bean has FINALLY moved from a crib to a big girl bed. We had been trying for months to get her to agree to it, but she would cry (quite pitifully) every time we mentioned it and launch into a speech on how much she loved her crib. Then, out of the blue, she told us she wants to be able to get out of the bed in the middle of the night by herself in case she needs to go potty. So, we converted her crib, and she's had a toddler bed for 3 days now. She has yet to get up in the middle of the night to go potty, but she keeps telling me how happy she is to have that option :)

My little family

2010-05-24T20:03:00.000-04:00

After I saw how cute the photo came out, I had to share it. Plus, it's really quite funny. Beanie has Bear in her baby stroller, which makes her look HUGE! Bird is trying to steal the blankie (which actually belongs to Bean, but was a bribe to stay in the stroller). Bear is staring at her twin suspiciously, as if to say "don't even think of taking this blankie!" And, Daddy and Bean are COMPLETELY oblivious to the whole twin drama. My little family amuses me greatly!

Big Girls!!!

2010-05-17T21:32:00.002-04:00

Can someone please tell my little Baby Bird that she is only 6 months old, and she has no business trying to be so big? Granted, she didn't pull herself up (our nanny helped her get there), but she was still staying there on her own. Baby Bear did the same thing the next day, but wasn't able to stay up as long. I am DEFINITELY not ready for two mobile babies!

This is Beanie's old favorite toy, so we're starting to see the beginnings of "that's MY toy", but I feel pretty thankful that this is the first we've seen of it. It'll be interesting to see how she handles sharing with these little people that she calls her babies as they start to get ideas of their own on what they want to play with and have the means to get it!

Some Photos :-)

2010-03-23T21:40:00.000-04:00

All my girls are getting so big! I just wanted to share a little.

The little ones are starting to laugh and hold hands now, and my big girl is still an AMAZING big sister!

Bye Bye Binky

2010-01-31T21:54:00.001-05:00

I don't post for months, then all of the sudden I have 3! :-)

Beanie gave up her binky today. We had been planning to make it happen next weekend, but opportunity arose today, so we just went with it. The original plan was for next Saturday to be her "big girl day." We were going to have cookies, paint her toenails (with non-toxic polish called Piggy Paint), and trade her binkies for a "big girl present." Well, she had an accident during her nap today and peed in the bed, so when she woke up, she told me her binkies were "yucky" now. She said that she was ready to trade them for a present. As luck would have it, our neighbor called to say that she was bringing over cupcakes to celebrate Valentine's Day early, so it seemed like the perfect time. We then decided to make it "big girl day" today. She ate her cupcake, and off we went to Target. She happily traded her bag of binkies for a fairy princess dress, a wand, princess shoes, and a little shopping cart.

It was all smiles until bedtime actually arrived. She kept asking for her binkies until she finally realized that the were actually gone. At that point, she cried. She cried a whole lot. She also screamed. a lot. She kept saying that she didn't know how to go to sleep (which is probably true) and that she wanted to get up for the day. It sucked to hear her so upset, but there was really nothing we could do for her. Plus, it wasn't as horrible as I expected. She was asleep in less than an hour. I guess we'll see what tomorrow holds

More Updates

2010-01-31T21:34:00.002-05:00

See what I mean? It's been hours, and I'm only now getting back to finish updating! Just to make sure it gets done, we're going to go with bullets.

My sister and BIL moved about 40 minutes south of us (yay!) We haven't lived anywhere close to eachother in over 10 years, so it's definitely a good change
DH and I are both getting over being sick too. I had a sinus infection, and he had an upper respiratory infection. As I'm sure you can imagine, that led to LOTS of fun around here
DH may be taking a government job after years of consulting. The benefits are great, but it's a pretty significant salary cut, so it's scary. I think it'll be ok though
I have decided that I'd like to go back to school to be a chiropractor specializing in children and pregnant women. The only issue is that there are only 12 places in the US to train for that, and none of them are close to here. We're trying to find a way to make it work, but I'm not super hopeful

One Day I Will Be Able to Keep Up

2010-01-31T12:46:00.002-05:00

I keep meaning to come her and post. I get an idea for a blog, and I even create most of the text in my head. But, it never comes to fruition. A baby starts crying, the door bell or phone rings, or on really lucky days, my bed beckons and I get a nap. By the time I finish whatever interrupted me, the though it gone, or I'm on to the next task. I really will get better about it. I need to for my own sanity if nothing else. Although, naps are pretty good for sanity too!!

Ok, onto updates
The minis - They are both smiling now. Bird laughs occasionally, but it's definitely not something you can count on. Her favorite thing to laugh at is the little monkey on her bouncy seat. She talks to him too! Bear really likes the bouncy seat too (her favorite animal is the red frog), but she's not excited enough to warrant a laugh. They're getting big too! Bird is 10lbs 11oz and Bear is 11lbs 1oz as of last Wednesday when we went to the pediatrician for the stomach bug they're fighting. They are also about to move to their own room at night, but we're not quite ready to let them go. They only get up 2 times each (sometimes only once for Bird), so they could do it.

Bean - She's getting over being super sick. She had a sinus infection that then became an ear infection. It lead to a couple nights of really bad sleep, but I think we're better now. She took her last dose of the antibiotic today, and she seems to be happy again. She also had her first "kid initiated" playdate last weekend. We went to visit one of the other little girls from her school. They were really cute playing dress-up and running around dancing in their princess dresses :-). She's becoming such a big girl now! I'm so proud, but there's a touch of sadness too.

Ok, remember that whole baby crying interruption? Well, it's happened again! I'll update on DH and myself when I get Bird taken care of

They're here and things are crazy!

2009-12-19T21:53:00.002-05:00

I promise to post more later, but I wanted to get it out there that my babies are here! They've actually been here for a few weeks now (7 on Thursday). It's been nuts since they arrived, and I've been awful about updating. So, I'm going to make an effort to be better about that. I'll start posting the back story little by little, but I'll give a rough summary now.

Our two girls arrived 10/29/09 at just over 36 weeks (pretty darn good for twins!), and they weighed 5lb 4oz and 5lb 13oz. Our little one is a fighter with bright red hair who gained her weight back at exactly 2 weeks. She has reflux (like her sisters), but she tends to aspirate it and scare the heck out of Mommy and Daddy! She sleeps well at night, considering her age, but she's quite feisty if she is hungry or mad. We're still looking for a nickname for her on here. Right now, I'm thinking that she'll be our baby bird, but I'm not sure

Our bigger girl has beautiful blue eyes and blonde hair. She's much calmer than her sister and more easygoing, but she doesn't sleep as well. She too has reflux, so we didn't get off easy with anyone! She took a little longer to get back to her birth weight because she had a stay in the NICU where she lost almost a pound, but she got back before 3 weeks. We thought we were in the clear when both babies were cleared right after birth, but we learned about 36 hours later that she had a pnuemothorax (small hole that developed in her lungs allowing air out and the pressure to be out of balance in her lungs). It's actually less scary than it sounds, but it was serious enough to warrant a 4 day stay in the NICU. I'll write more info later on how it all went, but I'll just say for now that it sucked! We're going to call her Bear for her nickname.

Bad week

2009-09-11T01:02:00.005-04:00

I am posting all of this to explain where I've been for the past week and to get it all out. I apologize in advance for the fact that it'll proabably be REALLY long...

Monday - It was Labor Day, and we had been joking for a while that the minis better not get any ideas. Well, apparently they thought it would be really funny to start scaring Mommy that day. Things were going really well right up to naptime for Beanie. I was tired too, so I decided to lay down on the couch and catch some z's while she was out. DH decided it would be a good time to run some errands and take some time washing his car (which he enjoys immensely for some reason). Fast forward 2 hours; Beanie wakes up. I roll over to get up, and I am immediately met with a sharp pain at the bottom of by belly. I freak out, and call DH (who was thankfully in the garage) to ask him to go get her, and I promptly try everything I can think of to make it better - laying on my left side, water, breathing deeply, streching, etc. Eventually, it stops and I figure everything is ok now. Nope! I start feeling crampy on and off, and the lower backaches start. I'm able to keep that to a dull pain for the rest of the day by taking it easy, but I make a note to talk to my dr first thing in the morning. They had warned me that carrying twins meant I'd have contractions early, so I was pretty much writing it off to that.

Tuesday - I got up and took Beanie to school. I was still pretty crampy, but it wasn't keeping me from functioning, so I just kinda sucked it up. My OB's office opened at 9, just after I dropped off Beanie, so I called them from the school parking lot to ask if I should come in or just wait until my scheduled appt/bio-physical profile/non-stress test the next day. After talking to the dr, they told me to come in immediately just to be safe. I got there around 9:30, and they took me back at 10:15ish. They check the heartrates for both girls, and things look really good. Then the doctor comes in to talk about my symptoms. He decided to do an internal exam (fun) to see how my cervix is doing. He said it was closed, but it was also very soft. Based on this, he decided to put me on the monitor to see how my contractions looked and to have the sonographer check the actual length of my cervix. It was at 3.6 cm, which is much longer than the average twin mom, so he was quite happy with that measurement. The contraction monitor was not quite so encouraging. I had 4 contractions in the 45 minutes I was monitored. Apparently, I was one away from being hospitalized for 24 hours! So, he gave me a prescription for some iron (I'm very slightly anemic) and another for Procardia (to stop the contractions). He warned me that the side effects of the Procardia were pretty yucky for the first 24-48 hours (headaches, dizziness, nausea) because it dramatically lowers your blood pressure, but told me it was my only choice other than heading to the hospital and taking a mag sulfate shot that would make me feel even worse, so I decided to comply :-) He also told me I was on strict bedrest for the rest of the day so that we could try to stop the contractions from chaning my cervix even further, and I was still expected to come back for my long appt on Wed.

Wednesday - He wasn't kidding about the side effects! I was feeling like total butt, and I wasn't able to sleep very well that night. Dropped Beanie off again, and headed to the OB. They took me back around 10:20 for my BPP/NST. Things looked really good on the u/s as far as the minis' movements. Both of them were really active. They were practice breathing :-) and had even turned head down! My cervix had shortened from all the contractions, however. At this point, it was down to 2.6cm under pressure. While that is still above average for a twin mommy at 29 weeks (average is 2.5), it is much shorter than it had been, so they were still concerned. She also noticed that she was having trouble picking up the diastolic flow from the babies' cords. They told me it was probably just a technical problem as their machine is not really good for taking cord pulse measurements, but they wanted to have it checked out by the specialist to be sure. The NST followed, and everything was great there. The girls heartrates were fluxuating appropriately, and the medicine had knocked out the contractions :-) The doctor told me that he wanted me on modified bedrest for the rest of the pregnancy (no more work, and no running around other than taking Beanie to and from school) just to be safe. However, he felt that the contractions stopping would me my cervix would be fine.

So, off I headed to the perinatologist to have the cord dopplers evaluated. The receptionist there was snotty about me being added on to an already full schedule, but she realized there wasn't much we could do about it. They managed to take me back around 1:45. The sonographer and the doctor were wonderful about explaining everything they saw. The girls looked really good and were still really active. They got pretty much the same cervix measurements as the OB, and they were able to get several measurements of the diastolic flow in the cords. Apparently, it wasn't a problem with the machine at my OB's office. While it wasn't non-existant as the OB sonographer feared, it was lower than it should be. Apparently, there's a lot of resistance in both babies' cords now. According to my peri, this is the reason I had the bad bloodwork months ago (low PAPP-A). Apparently, I am now on my way to placental failure. He got my OB on the phone, and they worked out a plan. I would be seen by the OB every Monday and by the Perinatologist every Thursday. As soon as things get worse, I'll be hospitalized, and the babies will be delivered between 32 and 34 weeks as this is probably the longest my placentas can last. He also wrote a prescription for me to pick up a multidose vial of the steroid injection to hasten maturity of the minis' lungs. He stressed that I had to get both shots (24 hours apart) by Friday. So, I started calling around and the only place that had it in stock was the hospital pharmacy (who wouldn't dispense it to me without talking to my OB's office directly first - and the OB was closed for the day). So, I left a message and prayed. I really sucked at bedrest, modified or not, today!

Thursday - I got a call from my OB right as I was dropping Beanie off at school. They had talked to the hospital pharmacy, and I needed to head over there immediately to pick up the meds and bring them back to the office. I did just that, and got back to the OB around 10:30. They injected me (and it stung a ton), and I talked briefly to the doctor. They are really afraid I'll be hospitalized next week, that's why I had to take the shots so quickly. I'm really scared now. I'm going back tomorrow morning for my second steroid shot, and then I'm headed to LabCorp for my 3hr glucose test (as if I needed one more baby issue on my plate!) Honestly, if I fail I think I'm just going to ask to be hospitalized early. They are saying that they aren't going to give me a chance to control it with diet first b/c of all the other issues, so I'll be going straight to diet/insulin, and I don't think I can juggle one more thing on my list of daily worries.

I really don't know what to make of this anymore (which probably explains why I'm up writing at 1:30 am rather than sleeping). Until now, all of the doctors have been amazed at how well I was doing. The girls were growing amazingly well (51% for one and 58% for the other at my 28 week growth check!), I had a long cervix (4+ cm) that was showing no signs of changing, and everything looked perfect. We were talking about delivering at 38 weeks, maybe even giving me a couple more days to "do it on my own" just one week ago! Now, things have totally flipped, twice. We were worried about contractions on Tuesday, now everyone is saying it's not even an issue. They are confident that, now that they have the contractions chilling, my cervix will outlast the placentas by multiple weeks. This placenta thing is huge. I know it's not my fault. Both the OB and Peri told me that there was nothing I could have done to prevent the placental failure, and there's nothing I can do now to make it better or worse. Yet, I still feel guilty, like I'm letting them down. I feel like I'm letting Beanie and DH down too. They need me, and I'm about to check out in favor of a hospital bed. This is really hard :(

Our 3d U/S today

2009-08-08T17:22:00.007-04:00

The little ones weren't very cooperative, but we were able to get a few good ones.

Here are my girls:

Baby A

Baby B

It's a happy event! Why is that hard to understand?

2009-07-06T20:14:00.003-04:00

Ok, pardon my vent. I just need to get this out. Why on EARTH does everyone act like it's some combination of hilarious and tragic when I tell them we're having two more girls? I am THRILLED to be having our minis. I could truly care less if I'm having 2 girls, 2 boys, or 1 of each. They are healthy and they are wanted. Every.freaking.person has said something unsupportive. They have to comment about the fact that I'm having twins. "Wow! You're really going to have your hands full. No more life for you" or "I don't know how you'll possibly do it." or "Better you than me!" If it's not that, they look all sympathetic and say "Oh, 2 more girls. Too bad you didn't get a boy this time." or "Wow! A houseful of girls. I'm so sorry." Then, they look like they think they're the funniest and most witty person every. No, idiot, you're just mean! My personal favorite came today. I had someone say "Your daughter is going to be so sad. It will be so hard for her because no one will care about her anymore."

Waste of time

2009-06-18T20:26:00.003-04:00

I came to the conclusion today that "regular OB appointments" are a total waste of time. I spend 2 hours at the OB today just so he could do the following.

- Measure the heartbeats of both babies (estimated the actual rate b/c the doppler didn't have a digital readout

- Measure my stomach (it measures 20-21 weeks) and tell me that it doesn't really say anything b/c I have twins

- Tell me I've gained 4lbs so far and then say that there's no need to worry b/c I'll gain a lot in the second half

- Suggest I come back in 4 weeks for more of the same

Please tell me again why I needed to spend my afternoon there.

WOOHOOO!!!!

2009-06-16T12:44:00.001-04:00

We have genetically normal twin girls!!!!!! Now I can enjoy my pregnancy (well, as much as one can normally do that)

I have no patience

2009-06-14T21:51:00.001-04:00

Really, that is all. Tomorrow morning can't come fast enough. Let's just hope the news is good

Amnio update

2009-06-11T21:55:00.003-04:00

We got there at 10:15 (about 15 minutes late as a result of the yucky rain and fog) The counselor saw us really quickly after I filled out a looooong questionnaire about my family history and DH's. She was really sweet to us, and just went over the actual results. She focused on the numbers, which I really appreciated. Our u/s measurements have all been perfect, however our blood work has never been quite right. On the 1st trimester screen, the PAPP-A was quite low and the HCG was a small amount high (JUUUUUST above the cutoff). On the second test (the quad screen), everything was normal except Inhibin, which was about double what they expected. She also told us that, with twins, it's impossible to attribute the levels correctly to each baby. All they know is total numbers, which they just divide evenly between the two. Since I have fraternal twins (or so we assume b/c we did IVF and put back 2 embies), she said (and the peri later confirmed) that it's more likely that one baby has a risk closer to 1:1000 and the other is the one causing the levels to be "off." That baby likely has a risk higher than 1:10! Based on this data, we decided to have the amnio. I really didn't sleep much last night, and we decided that we really needed to know what we are dealing with so that we don't worry ourselves sick over the next 5 months. That would be JUST as bad for the babies. Plus, we were looking at a risk of m/c from the procedure around 1:750 (clinic stats) and a likely DS risk around 1:10 for at least one of the babies (with no real way to know which one).

The procedure went really well. They didn't use a local for the sticks, which surprised me. When they did Baby B (the first one), it was just like you all described - a tiny prick and then a small crampy feeling that passed quickly. After they took the fluid, they then injected a blue non-toxic dye so that they would be certain that they didn't draw from the same baby twice. When they did Baby A (the second one) it was MUUUCH harder. He/she was really wiggling around and spreading out in the amniotic sac, so they had to go in slowly and go through the placenta. That one HURT, and I'm actually still sore. On a positive note, we didn't have blue fluid when they drew it, so it was only one stick. I'm not sure I would've allowed them to do another! I'm a little sore now and a tad crampy. I'm trying to take it easy to decrease the chances of a complication. We should have early results on Monday, so I'll let you know when I know.

Oh, on a side note, I had a silly scare after we got home. When I went to the bathroom, my pee was blue! I was terrified that meant my water was breaking with Baby B (the one who has blue dye in the fluid right now). Apparently, it just means that I am starting to "process" some of the dye that Baby B passed out to me through the placenta

Another appointment, more info

2009-06-04T20:25:00.004-04:00

We saw the peri again today. It was quite an interesting experience b/c we had to bring Beanie along with us. She's on the mend from coxsackie disease (hand, foot, and mouth), so she just doesn't have the energy to make it through a whole morning without a nap yet. That means no daycare b/c they put them down between 12 and 12:30. In case you are wondering, an almost 2 year old doesn't have the attention span to handle an 45 minute ultrasound! DH was a superhero though. He took care of/entertained Beanie and still managed to catch all the important info from the appointment.

Right now, both babies are measuring right on target. They are actually even ahead slightly in heart and brain development, which is really cool and encouraging. Everything looks great with them, and both of my bleeds have resolved (yay!). So, that was also encouraging. They drew blood to re-evaluate my risk for Down's and several Trisomies as well as to look at the risk for neural tube defects. I'll get those results back at my next appt (almost 3 weeks away). He did say that he gets the results back to him in about a week, so I may call for the info next week. Maybe they'll share!

The tech doing the u/s also tried really hard to find out the genders for us. We were all about 95% sure with Baby A and around 85% sure for Baby B. (B is almost up in my ribcage, so it was harder to get a clear picture.) For now, it looks like we're having two more girls! :)

Feeling Guilty

2009-05-30T21:02:00.003-04:00

So, have you ever done something, thinking it was the right thing? Then, you start to wonder. You know all the reasons you made the decision, and they all seemed so good at the time, but now doubt and worry start to creep in. Now it doesn't seem like such a clear-cut good decision.

Yeah, I'm there right now. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my twins already, and I DO want them. I'm just wondering if we really did the right thing going through IVF again while Beanie is so young. She's going to barely be 2 when they are born. Plus, should we have really risked mulitples when we put our embies back? I know they didn't even expect one to stick, but still... Now we're going to be outnumbered. There will be no more "breaks" for anyone, and I know I get short tempered with Beanie if I don't get breaks every once in a while. What do we do now? Plus, I'm now having Braxton Hicks already (at least that's what we think they are), and we have the scary bleeds. It's all seeming so overwhelming right now, and I'm wondering if we can do it. Heck, let's be honest. I'm wondering if I can do it. Maybe it's hormones, but I'm scared.

worrying

2009-05-14T22:25:00.006-04:00

We had our NT scan today and the u/s was great. Both babies are measuring right on target (to the day actually). They cooperated to have their measurements taken immediately, and then they promptly began bouncing around, kicking, and waving their arms at us. It was SOOO cute!!! DH even had his first "Daddy moment" when he told Baby A "Hey - Stop kicking your brother or sister!!!" The actual nuchal fold measurement was perfect (1.5), and there were no soft markers for any genetic issues.

The bloodwork, on the other hand, was a different issue. I had VERY low PAPP-A levels. According to the peri, this is an indicator of either increased risk of Downs or a placental issue (or both I suppose). So, he did an additional u/s himself. He looked at the babies, and his exact words were "Everything here is perfect. Neither one looks even remotely like there's a Downs concern." Then he found "a bleed" with each baby. Baby A has one opposite the placenta that measures 10cm x 1cm, and Baby B has one on the side of the sac that measures 2.5cm x 1.5cm. Based on his advice, we're going back in three weeks for additional bloodwork and another u/s. He thinks that my blood results are completely caused by the bleeds, but "he can't prove it yet."

Now, I'm a little concerned about the potential of DS (1:35 for Baby A and 1:43 for Baby B if you don't take the bleeds into account), and I'm a LOT concerned about the bleeds. At this point, I am trusting the experience of my peri who says that he really thinks the bleeds will clear up and we'll be fine, and the research I've done does say that the bleeds could explain the blood results as well. So, I guess I just wait now. Any prayers or positive thoughts would be greatly appreciated!

I'm still here

2009-04-28T20:13:00.004-04:00

I just thought I should drop a note to let you all know that I haven't disappeared or anything. I just kinda suck at updating my blog.

Beanie is doing well. She's talking up a storm, and she's even starting to make jokes. This morning, she walked up to a pair of my shoes and said "These are mommy's shoes." Then, she walked over to another pair (in the kitchen), and said "MORE mommy's shoes??? CLEAN IT UP!" That's exactly what I need, another person telling me to clean :)

The minis are also doing well. We saw them again last week (on Thursday) when we saw the high risk OB, and they are doing great. Both had heartrates in the 170 range, and we saw some little legs kicking! They are di/di twins, which means that they are completely separate from eachother; they don't share an amniotic sac or placenta. This is, apparently, a VERY good thing as it puts us in the lowest risk category for twins. For now, I'll continue seeing both the OB and the Peri (high-risk OB) every 4 weeks, staggered so that I'm seen every 2 weeks. I have no restrictions for now, but he said that will change when I get further along. I'm feeling pretty sick lately (nausea without any vomiting and sore), but I'm almost to 12 weeks. So, I'm hoping that will end soon!

DH is working too much, but I suppose that's becoming the norm. I love that he's trying so hard to provide for us and allow me to be home when the minis come, but he needs some rest. I'm actually starting to worry about him. We've taken on a new client lately, and they are REALLY high maintenance. So, he's been at their office for hours after we put Beanie to bed at least 4 days a week. It sucks. However, I think it'll get better.

Weekly u/s update :)

2009-04-14T20:49:00.000-04:00

We went for our final u/s with the RE today. (I start with a regular ob and high risk ob next week. Don't even get me started on how silly it is that I need to see them both.) Our minis are doing well. They are both measuring between 8 weeks and 8 1/2 weeks, which is right on, and their heartrates are up to 153 and 158

Still beating...

2009-04-07T19:59:00.003-04:00

I had my second u/s today, and everything looks good! At 7w 2d my minis are measuring right at 7w and still have strong heartbeats (134bpm and 136bpm).

My first regular OB appt is Monday
I get dismissed from the RE next Tuesday
and my 1st High-Risk OB appt is 4/23

Oh, and on a side note, does anyone know why I have to see both a regular OB and a high risk OB? Isn't it redundant?

We're back!

2009-03-31T12:35:00.001-04:00

My ultrasound was this morning at 8:15. We got there at 8:30 b/c Beanie threw up twice on the way there :( (Btw, does anyone have advice on now to clean up her carseat? I know I can wash the cover, but what do I do about the straps?)

Luckily, they were amazing about it. They let us take over their bathroom to clean her up, and they gave us a couple hospital style gowns to wrap her in (she destroyed her clothes). They even taught her to say "toga" (lol)

After all the drama, we finally got back there. And............

It's twins! We saw two perfect little tiny embies with two perfect little heartbeats! I'm nervous, excited, happy, etc.

Paranoia

2009-03-29T22:50:00.001-04:00

I know it's silly, but I need Tuesday to hurry up and get here. I have my u/s on Tuesday morning at 8:15, and I'm really nervous. I've been having nightmares about losing my baby for 2 days now I'm over-analyzing every crampy feeling and fearing the worst every time.

I just need to see my baby...

(Thank you to anyone who read this. I guess I just needed to get it out. DH thinks I'm nuts)

Ok, I'm feeling a bit better

2009-03-25T22:37:00.004-04:00

My third beta is in. It's 6552 this time, with a doubling time of 49 hours. That's SOOOO much better than the 57 hours I got last time! I'm still very high for a single baby and a bit low for twins, so we'll see what happens. I have my u/s on Tuesday!

Beta 2

2009-03-24T21:57:00.003-04:00

I got my second beta back yesterday, and I'm actually a bit worried. It was 3336, which gave me a doubling time around 57 hours. They like to see it closer to 48 hours, so that's a bit stressful. I have another beta tomorrow, so I'm really hoping for a better number!

Woohooo!!!!

2009-03-19T23:36:00.002-04:00

I got my first beta back, and it was really good! (1042)

I go back for my repeat on Monday so that they can look at the doubling time, but so far so good :)

Tomorrow is my beta

2009-03-18T23:17:00.001-04:00

ahhhhhhhh

It's early, but...

2009-03-12T22:32:00.003-04:00

Going, Going, Gone!

2009-03-08T21:51:00.003-04:00

I just tested, and my trigger is gone! Woohoo!!!

I'm such a loser though, and the BFN still made me a little sad

Bedrest sucks!

2009-03-06T19:11:00.002-05:00

I guess the title kinda says it all :-) I hate being up here in bed. I just want to be downstairs with the rest of my family!

They transferred 2 "compacting embryos" (not quite blasts) along with our frozen blast from last cycle. I'm really hoping one of them will be sticky!

Beanie is doing pretty well with my bedrest. She has Daddy and Nonna (my mom) to play with, so she's pretty happy. She seems a bit confused when they bring her up to visit me. She tells me to "get up" a lot! She was really cute before bedtime though. DH brought her to me, and she just curled up in my arms. She wouldn't go to him or my mother. She actually made little whimpering noises every time they called her to them. After a little bit (like 3 minutes), I asked if she was Mommy's baby now. She said "YEP!" Wow, I love that kid!

We have 6 now

2009-03-02T13:23:00.003-05:00

My nurse called with the first update. I guess I'm a little more hopeful than I was yesterday, so that's a good thing. I'm still crampy, but I'll live. It really is amazing to have my mom here helping. I can hold Beanie a little, but after about 5 or 10 minutes, I start to hurt again.

Without further delay, here are the stats (the #'s in parentheses are the stats from my last cycle)

9 retrieved (21 before)
7 mature (18 before)
6 fertilized (15 before)
6 still growing (12 before)

It seems like we're not having the attrition we did last time, so that gives me reason for hope. The true test will be overnight today. We dropped to 3 last time!

Eggs are out!

2009-03-01T17:02:00.003-05:00

I got to the clinic at 9:45 this morning for our 11:15 appointment. It all went pretty well I guess. They did take DH away to do his part earlier than I wanted. He was gone while they put my IV in, which really sucked. For some silly reason, I freak out when I get IVs, so I really wanted him there with me. :( Oh well, I survived. It was actually not that awful. The anesthesiologist used a small amount of numbing meds first, so I didn't feel the IV going in.

They were able to get 9 eggs this time. I'm not exactly thrilled about that. DH seems to think it's ok, but I'm freaking out. There were 21 last time. This is SO much less! Plus, we had massive attrition with our 21 (there were only 3 left on day 3). We can't afford that kind of attrition with only 9. I know it's out of my hands, but I'm worried. I get an update tomorrow, so I'll share info as I get it.

As for me, I'm pretty crampy. It pretty much feels like bad gas, so it's not unbearable or anything, just uncomfortable. My mother is being awesome with Beanie. I am not really feeling up to taking care of her right now, so I am so thankful for that help!

Triggered and Sick Baby

2009-02-28T14:03:00.002-05:00

They finally let me trigger last night! Woohoo!!! My largest follicle was 21mm, so they decided it was time :-) I took the shot at 11:15am, so I'll be having my retrieval at 11:15 tomorrow morning. Hopefully we'll get lots of high quality eggies!!!!

On a sad note, little Beanie is sick :( Actually, we've both been fighting a cold for weeks (stuffy nose, cough), but it seems to be more today. DH said her temp was just over 101 when she got up this morning. So, he gave her some Motrin. That seemed to help for a little bit, but she was feeling REALLY warm when I was getting her ready for her nap (4 hours post Motrin). When I took her temp, it was 104.5!!! I immediately added some Tylenol to the mix, and she seems better now. She's been sleeping for 2 hours and we haven't heard a peep!

One more appointment...

2009-02-26T10:31:00.004-05:00

Ok, so I can't find my little results slip from yesterday. Sorry! You'll have to trust my memory :-)

I still had 12 on the right and 10 on the left. They ranged in size from 8 to 17mm, but most were around 11 or 12. My estrogen was 968. So, I had to go back again today. I figured I'd get the info in here before I lose that slip too ;)

We still have 22 follies, but they only measure the biggest ones. So, here's that info

Right: 18, 18, 17, 15, 13, 12, 12
Left: 19, 16, 13, 13, 12, 12
Lining : 11-12

I'll update you on my estrogen level when the nurse calls. They can trigger as early as tonight, but they won't do that. She told me before I left that she's thinking tomorrow.

On a side note, I'm still sick with this stupid cough that Beanie got at school. I NEED to feel better, but that's not looking like it's going to happen. Oh well, at least I'm about to get some bedrest to let me heal :-)

We're getting there (I think)

2009-02-23T21:45:00.002-05:00

Apparently the ultrasound tech measured wrong over the weekend :(

Here are my stats for today

Right - 14, 11,11,11,11, 9 (12 total)
Left - 13, 12, 10, 9 (10 total)
Lining - 11mm
Estrogen 568

I'm actually a little annoyed right now. I have to coordinate the schedule with my mom so that she can be here to watch Beanie, but they have not been willing to give me any guidance on what to expect until today. So, I just based it on last cycle. That put it at a Wed trigger and Friday retrieval. Now, all the sudden, they are telling me it's going to be Thursday, maybe even Friday for the trigger. Well, my mother already has her ticket, and she can't take more than a week off of work. If it goes to Friday (or even worse Saturday), she won't be here for the transfer, and I need her then too! I HATE going with the flow!

Monitoring

2009-02-21T12:29:00.004-05:00

Well, I've had two monitoring appointments now. The first one was on Thursday.

Right (13 total, 4 measurable) - 8, 8, 7, 7 mm
Left (11 total, 2 measurable) - 7, 6 mm
Lining 5mm
Estrogen 101

They kept my meds the same after that appt since things were progressing the way they wanted. I'm pretty much doing the same meds as last IVF, except they are keeping me on 20 units of Lupron (the suppression dose) to keep me from stimming too quickly.

My second monitoring appt was today
Right (12 measurable) - all between 10.5 and 11.5 mm
Left (10 measurable) - all between 10.5 and 11.5 mm
Lining 8.5
Estrogen 261

We're keeping the meds the same again, and I'm scheduled to go back on Monday.

I'm stimming!!!

2009-02-17T11:39:00.002-05:00

The Lupron Eval went very well yesterday :-) The office was really crowded, but they got me in and out pretty quickly, all things considered. I don't know my exact Estrogen level, but I know it was under the cutoff of 50. I had 30 antral follies, which is a bit scary, but they are pretty sure they can keep it under control.

Here's my current shot regiment:
20 units Lupron every morning (it was lowered to 5 when I started stims last time)
112 units Gonal-F every night (same as last time)
37.5 units Menopur every night (same as last time)

I go back on Thursday for an eval. So, I'll let you know if anything changes and how my little follies are doing. On a side note, the stupid Menopur STINGS! I don't remember it being this bad last time.

AF has arrived (kinda)

2009-02-14T15:53:00.002-05:00

It looks like AF is going to be here very shortly (probably later tonight). Great Valentine's Day present, huh? :-)

So, I go in Monday at 8:15 for my Lupron evaluation to make sure I'm totally suppressed. Then, we start stims! :-) I think it will be fine though b/c I'm having HORRIBLE Lupron headaches today. Hopefully, those will pass before I start stims. If not, they'll stop then. So, the worst case scenario has them gone in 2 days. Sucky, but not unbearable.

Thankful

2009-02-13T21:46:00.003-05:00

She's still nursing at night before she goes to bed. All the experts (including my doctor) said she'd stop within a day or two of my starting Lupron injections, and that nearly broke my heart. I REALLY don't want to take that comfort away from her for something that's not even a guarantee. She's proving them wrong so far b/c I took my 4th day of Lupron injections today, and she nursed happily tonight before bed :-)

I can't begin to tell you how happy that makes me. I want her to wean in the next few months, but I want her to do it on HER terms!

It's not as bad as I thought

2009-02-10T21:57:00.002-05:00

I talked to my nurse, and it's still a bad result, but there's reason to believe it will be a bit better on the transfer day. The sample they tested was produced at home and delivered to the clinic. It was analyzed about an hour later. The sample on the day of the transfer will be used almost immediately, so the stats should improve some. Some is all we need, so I have hope again.

On another note, I took my first Lupron shot today. It wasn't as bad as the first shot last time, but it still sucked :-)

Last time, it was 17 days from the first shot to the day of transfer. If that pattern continues, my transfer will be 2/27. That's scary!!

Eight

2009-02-09T14:00:00.002-05:00

That's the count from our SA. My nurse told me like she was telling me that it was a bit cloudy outside. It's supposed to be millions. I need it to be at least in the low 20's (to match the number of eggs).

Nope, it's eight. Maybe nine. I'm crying.

Mock Transfer and Dropoff is done

2009-02-06T23:44:00.003-05:00

Ok, I survived the next step in the IVF journey. I went for my mock transfer yesterday. It wasn't too bad. They did a trial run through of transferring an embryo (just with saline and no embie) to make sure there wouldn't be any hiccups when we do it for real. Apparently, I have a "perfect uterus" :-) I'm a little crampy today, and I was definitely crampy yesterday, but at least it's one step closer!

I also dropped off DH's sample for analysis. He's being a bit of a baby about the whole thing and kept procrastinating. So, I offered to deliver it when I went in for my mock. MEN!!! Actually, I should've called them today to get the results! Oops, I guess I'll try to remember to do that on Monday! They probably would've called if there was anything wrong, right?

The drugs are here

2009-02-01T08:53:00.003-05:00

I still have to go to CVS to pick up the Estrogen and Zithromax, but everything else is here. It's pretty much the same stuff as last time except I have Gonal-F instead of Follistim. I'll take a pic later today and put it up here so that you can see it all.

I'm officially starting the second week of my birth control pills today too; seven days down, fourteen to go. I start shots (Lupron) on the last three days of the pills, so we're really getting close now. I have my first acupuncture appointment on Wednesday, and there are only two more things that need to get done before we start shots. I need to do my mock transfer, and DH needs to give his sample. He's putting that off so badly! I get that it's not the most comfortable thing to just drop it off, but he needs to get over it. When you compare what I have to do for this cycle to what he needs to do, he gets NO sympathy!!! Oh yeah, we need to drop of our consents too. I guess I'll do that when I do my mock.

First bill (meds)

2009-01-27T20:32:00.002-05:00

I got my first bill of this IVF session today. We paid for all of our meds, and the grand total was $213.09! While that is a lot of money, it's SOOOO much less than last time (about $3k). Insurance is already making a difference! We also got our bill in the mail for another year of storage for our frozen embie, but we don't have to pay it. Since we are in the middle of a cycle that will use that embie, we don't have to pay. I just realized that the money we save by not paying that ($360) more than covers the cost of the meds. Yay!! :-)

I wrapped her!

2009-01-26T23:27:00.004-05:00

My new obsession is baby wearing. Thanks to my friends, I am now spending my time drooling over wraps. Well, it's now actually proving useful as I was able to put Beanie on my back today.

See!!

New features

2009-01-26T15:16:00.001-05:00

I have a tag cloud now! I know it's probably not a big deal to most people, but it makes me happy :-)

Here we go again...

2009-01-25T21:31:00.004-05:00

As I said earlier, we are about to try the whole IVF thing all over again. We're using a different doctor this time. She's so much nicer and more open to telling us what's going on, so that's really cool. It's definitely a change over our experience last time! Actually, we saw her at a restaurant today, and she even recognized me :-)

As always, I had to take Prometrium to get AF to show up. Luckily, it came quickly, so that was as painless as it could be. On this past Thursday, I went for my CD3 blood testing. Everything was great, so I started birth control pills yesterday (Saturday). I'll start my first injections (Lupron) on day 18 of pills. So, we're about 2 or 3 weeks away from the start of shots. It's starting to get real for me now. On a cool/scary note, I had 40 antral follies!!!! That's a TON of little eggs just chillin' there!!!!

I'm still nursing Beanie 1-2 times a day, so that's another concern for us. My prolactin levels were fine when they did the bloodwork, so it should be ok. However, they do STRONGLY discourage nursing during an IVF cycle, so I'm a bit stressed. I'm trying to wean her gently, but I don't want to force it. I won't let her nurse for at least 24 hours after the actual transfer, but other than that, I guess I'm kinda playing it by ear.

I also got my tentative schedule on Thursday, which was pretty exciting. It's super preliminary, but it gives us a good idea of what to expect. According to the schedule, I should be going for my retrieval on 3/3 and my transfer on 3/8. Things will probably change somewhat, but I think it'll be within a week of that.

Someone has Chicken Pox

2009-01-25T17:42:00.004-05:00

If I told you that someone in my house had chicken pox, and you had to guess who it was, what would you say?

If you know us, I'm sure your first guess would be Beanie. She's young, and she's never had them, so that would be a good guess. It would, however, be wrong. She's vaccinated, and so far, uninfected.

The next logical guess would be me. I somehow manage to get every random illness and injury known to man, so that would also be a good guess. It would also be wrong.

Well, that only leaves DH! Yep, he has chicken pox! How does that happen? He's a 34 year-old man!!! Plus, he says he had them when he was six. Anyway, he has them AGAIN, and he can't hold Beanie for fear of infecting her, so I'm pretty much a single parent for the week. Oh well, we'll survive. (And, I'm having a blast making fun of him!!! hehe)

Gigantic update post

2009-01-24T21:49:00.007-05:00

Ok, so I kinda suck at updating! I will now squish the last 2 years into one post and promise to be better from this point forward :-)

I did get pregnant from our IVF in November/December 2006. My pregnancy was pretty uneventful and textbook (shocking, I know!!!), and on August 16, 2007 I gave birth to a beautiful little girl. She was 7lbs 5oz and 19.5 inches. She was the most amazing addition to our life, and we are still in complete and total awe that God blessed us with such a gorgeous and sweet little person. We were, however, shocked that He trusted us not to break her!!

The next 6 months were interesting to say the least. She was a slow grower, and the pediatricians were constantly worried that she wasn't gaining enough weight. When you add that to bilateral hip displaysia, and some serious acid reflux problems, we spent A LOT of time with doctors. Thanks to Previcid (for the reflux) and a Pavlik harness (for the displaysia) things turned out ok. We also learned that she's just little. Totally healthy, a great eater, blowing away the developmental milestones, and very little :-)

Things continued to progress with our little superbaby, and we learned how amazing she really is. She was done with her harness by 4.5 months, and off her Prevacid by 9 months. She loves to eat, started sleeping through the night at about 6 months, and started walking around 10 months. By the time her first birthday rolled around, she was all over the place and starting to talk! She definitely knew what she wanted, and loved Daddy, Nonna, and Papa! We have been so blessed that my parents have not allowed more than 6 weeks to go by without seeing us since the day she was born! Also, Beanie is starting to look more and more like my little sister. It's actually quite scary!!!!

Now, she's almost 18 months old, and she talks up a storm. She says about 100 words spontaneously, and will try to repeat anything she hears us say. It's quite cute to hear her trying to say big words like "beautiful" and "watermelon" :-) She goes to daycare a couple days a week now, and she's flourishing there. It was really hard to send her, but it's been good for me to get to work a bit. Plus, she loves seeing the babies and playing with the water table, "duckies", and her little friends!

We're about to starting trying to have a little brother or sister for her, but I'll write a separate post about that!

Beta Day

2006-12-07T20:42:00.001-05:00

My big day is tomorrow. I go for my beta (blood pregnancy test) tomorrow at 8:30. I'll probably have my results a little after lunch. However, DH and I have agreed that we're not telling anyone, one way or the other, until Christmas. We're going to be at my parents that weekend, and we've decided to tell everyone then. Sadly, that means I can't even post it here b/c then people would know :-)

I promise to post as soon as we've told our family!!

The Trigger is gone!

2006-12-01T14:05:00.000-05:00

In an IVF cycle, you take a trigger shot two days before the egg retrieval. That shot is HCG (the hormone they look for on a pregnancy test), and it's known as a trigger. I takes between 9 and 12 days to be totally out of your system. Until then, any pregnancy test will show up positive, whether your pg or not. I've been testing on and off this week to see when it's out of my system, and as of today it is. I finally got a stark white test (never thought I'd want one of those)! Now, if I get a + next week, I'll know it's real!

Day 5

2006-11-29T10:25:00.001-05:00

Hello everyone!

I'm off bedrest today!!! Woohoo!!!! I'm still trying to keep relaxed and calm though. I tend to stress out about everything, and I know that's not good for my little embies. For now, I'm drinking LOTS of Gatorade and resting. I'm trying to focus my energy on being positive and sending love to my little ones!

DH has been really good too. He took Monday and Tuesday off work to take care of me, and he was so sweet about it all. On Monday night he even made me s'mores and brought them up to me in bed!! Even now he's taking over working with the more difficult clients so that I don't feel the stress.

I just heard from my nurse, and she had good news! I still have 4 embies growing. 3 are blasts now, and 1 is not quite there yet, but still growing. So, I could've done a day 5 transfer afterall. Now she thinks I WILL have blasts to freeze! We'll know for sure tomorrow or Friday. I just hope the two they put in on Monday are growing just as well!

Baby photo

2006-11-28T16:12:00.000-05:00

Here's the picture of our babies that they gave us at our embryo transfer yesterday. I had to share :-)

Stuck in bed

2006-11-28T15:39:00.001-05:00

Ok, I guess this is going to be a long post. There's a whole lot of updating I need to do. It's the right time though, I'm stuck on bedrest, and DH is being really strict about it. It took about 30 minutes of negotiating to convince him it was ok for me to brush my teeth! (There was NO way I could convince him to let me take a shower - that's tonight!) Here's the recap so far:

Thursday (Thanksgiving) - We spent the day with DH's father and family. There was quite a group there, so it was easy to hide that I wasn't feeling 100%. I also got to talk to his brother-in-law for a while. He's having a hard time that I'm not going to go into here, but sufficed to say, it made me appreciate my marriage even more! It was really good that I didn't have to take any shots that day. (My one day off)

Friday - Our egg retrieval was scheduled for 11am, so we had to be there at 10. I was so scared, but it really wasn't bad at all. They put the IV in really quickly after we got there, and DH kept me laughing the whole time until they took me back for the operation. I remember them telling me to sit down on the operating table, then I got dizzy and layed down. The next thing I knew I was waking up in my little room and Chris was there. I was a little sore, but I didn't end up needing anything other than Tylenol.

Saturday - I continued with my Gatorade (32 ounces AT LEAST) every day. They also called with my first update:
21 eggs retrieved
18 mature
15 fertilized
12 still growing

Sunday - This was a bad day for me. A scheduling nurse called me early in the morning to say that all 12 of my embies were still growing and to tell me that I was scheduled for a transfer the next day at 4pm. This made no sense b/c they had told me from the beginning that they were going to do a day 5 transfer (Wed) as long as there were more than 2 still growing well. Since I was so confused and worried, they had my nurse call. Sadly, my nurse gave me a more accurate (but less happy) report that explained why they were moving my transfer.
2 at 2 cells and growing slowly
8 at 4 cells and growing well with significant fragmentation (apparently fragmentation is bad for embies)
1 at 3 cells and growing ok
1 at 4 cells and growing really well

Monday - My nurse called in the morning to let me know that they were starting to look better, but they still wanted me to come in for a transfer. So, we got there at 3:30 for a 4pm transfer. I was SO nervous, but it turns out that was for nothing. The hardest part was having to do it with a full bladder! I had to go to the bathroom so bad, and I just had to wait for them to finish. Before we got there, DH and I were going to push for them to transfer 3 since it was a day 3 transfer (less likely to stick than day 5). However, my dr convinced us to just do 2 b/c they were very high quality embies, and he was REALLY afraid we'd end up with triplets!

They transferred 2 "perfect" 8-celled embryos, and there were about 5 or 6 that we're still watching grow. If they continue until Wednesday or Thursday, we'll freeze them and be able to have embies for frozen transfer later. We'd really like that, so please keep your fingers crossed for us!!! We'll know if any of them made it by the end of the week.

As I said at the beginning of the post, I'm on complete bedrest until 5pm tonight (24 hours from the transfer). I am then on "limited activity" for the rest of the week. I want them to stick SO badly!!!

I triggered!

2006-11-23T14:04:00.000-05:00

Sorry for not posting yesterday. I really don't have a good excuse other than the fact that my ovaries hurt :-)

Anyway, as I'm sure you can tell from the title, I finally got to do my trigger shot yesterday (11pm). That means that I have my egg retrieval at 11am on Friday morning. They are surprisingly precise about the timing on this one. We had to do the trigger within 5 minutes of the assigned time, and they try to start the retrieval at exactly the time they assign. If it's too short, you don't get the full effect of the meds (they make the side of the follicle detach from the actual egg) and if they wait too long, I'll ovulate on my own and the whole cycle will be a bust b/c they won't get the eggs out with the needle.

The shot wasn't too bad. I'm a little sore today, but it was a IM (intra-muscular) shot, so that probably explains it. It was also the first one that DH had to give me. Since it needed to be IM, I had to take it in my hip/butt. I can't reach that so well, so it was all on him. He did a really good job, especially considering my nervousness. He stayed really calm, and I barely felt it at all. He did, however, feel that he needed to draw on me before giving the shot (for his own entertainment). We use emla cream to numb the area before the shot, so we circle the area where the cream is going before putting it on. That way you can tell where the numb areas are when the cream has been absorbed/wiped off. DH decided to draw pictures to add to the design of the circle. So, I have a sunshine (the circle), a computer (?), a puppy (?), and his signature on my butt cheek. Hopefully it'll wash off in the shower today!

Here are my numbers from yesterday:

Right: 15, 17.5, 18.5, 18.5, 19, 20.5
Left: 12.5, 13, 15.5, 16
Lining: 13.6
Estrogen 2100+

The eggs will continue to grow between now and the retrieval. so we're all very hopeful that we'll get lots of good and mature eggs (anything over 15mm could contain an egg, 18 pretty much guarantees it).

The other good thing is that I don't have to take any shots, get any blood drawn, or go in for an ultrasound today. It feels kind of like a vacation :-) I'll find out how many eggs we have before we leave tomorrow, and I'll find out how many successfully fertilize on Saturday. I REALLY hope this works for us!

Monitoring Appt #3

2006-11-20T16:01:00.000-05:00

My appointment today went pretty well. I got the backup ultrasound tech today. She couldn't find my left ovary for a while, so that was kinda painful. Even when she did find it, she said she could only see one side of it, so she "probably missed several" whatever that means. Anyway, here are my biggest 4 on each side:

Right: 17, 17, 16, 15
Left: 14, 13, 12, 11
Estrogen: 1128

I just got a call from my nurse. I go back tomorrow at 8:45, and my meds are staying exactly the same once again. She said that she thinks I'll either trigger on Wednesday or Thursday night and have ER on Friday or Saturday. I'm getting nervous now!!! I hope I can trigger this week. Otherwise, I'm going to run out of Menopur! (I only have enough for 3 more injections assuming my dose stays the same)

Monitoring Visit #2

2006-11-18T18:01:00.000-05:00

I went in this morning for my 2nd monitoring visit. It was quite an interesting experience. On the weekends, my clinic shuts down all of their offices but one. So, everyone who needs weekend monitoring comes to one location. Needless to say, it was quite crowded! My appointment was at 8:15, but we didn't get out of there until at least 9:30! Here are my results:

Estrogen: 501
Left: 4 measurable follies - 10, 9, 8, 8
Right 3 measurable folles - 12, 11, 10, 9
Total = between 18 and 22
Lining = 8.5

They say that I'm "progressing well", so I guess that's a good thing. I'm keeping my meds the same again, so I guess that means they're happy. I go back again on Monday morning.

On another note, I just want to say that my Menopur is starting to HURT! If I didn't know better, I'd think someone was just wiggling the needle around rather than actually injecting me with medicine :-( Oh well, I'm probably halfway done, so I'll get through it. Last night I had to inject myself in a Days Inn parking lot in Clinton, MD (not the nicest area). If I can do that, I can definitely make it another 5 or 6 days!

First monitoring appt.

2006-11-16T13:47:00.000-05:00

They let me start my stims on Monday. Apparently, my Lupron eval. went well :-) I had 20 antral follicles (the little tiny ones that were visible when my ovaries are at rest), and my estrogen level was 45. So, I started two more shots. Now here's my regiment:

Lupron 5 units (down from 20) every morning around 6am
Menopur 37.5 units every night around 7pm
Follistim (pen) 108 units every night around 7pm

I went for my first monitoring appointment today, and went pretty well. I have 9 follies on each side, which is good. However, they're still really small (one is almost at 8mm, and there are a couple around 6mm, and the others are even smaller). My estrogen level is 142, so it's going up, which is good. I'd like it to go faster, but they're afraid of overstimming me because of my PCOS. I guess they're going slow to be safe, and it's better to be careful. I really don't want OHSS or to be cancelled!

They did tell me that most people at my clinic trigger on day 10, so I'm almost halfway through with my stims (today is day 4). That's a very good thing because my stomach is starting to get pretty bruised and sore. I think I'm going to start using my numbing cream on my stomach for my evening shots. I was planning to "just suck it up" for these, but it's getting a bit painful.

I just have a feeling I'll be doing my egg retrieval on Thanksgiving. Wouldn't that be fun? I'm going back on Saturday morning at 8:15. I think I'm getting addicted to being monitored. I hate being "stabbed and probed" (that's what DH calls it), but I I like knowing what's going on even more!

We have cabinets

2006-11-10T21:29:00.000-05:00

Our house is really coming along now! We have cabinets, and hardwood floors! They just built the stacked stone fireplace, and I love it. It is sooo beautiful, even better than I was hoping. They have the granite in too, and that has exceeding my expectations as well. The name of the color is Giallo Veniziano, but DH insists on calling it "jello" :-) (boys!) We've picked out all of the furniture too, and I can't wait to see how it is going to turn out! They say we can close the first week of December, so that's really exciting too. I did just realize, however, that we need to start packing like yesterday! I think that's going to be my project for the next week.

IVF update

2006-11-10T21:10:00.000-05:00

Hi! Sorry I was MIA for a little bit. Things have been a bit crazy, and I've been having lots of headaches lately that have made using my laptop an upleasant experience. I started Lupron on Tuesday (the drug that is supposed to suppress my ovaries so that they'll be better able to respond when I start stims). It hasn't been that bad, but it was a bit hard to give myself that first shot. I just sat there for about 5 minutes with the needle poised over my stomach negotiating with myself :-) I think DH was about to push the needle in for me if I hadn't finally pulled it together!!

I'm not having too many s/e at this point. The worst are the Lupron headaches. They're almost as bad as a migraine, but at least I can still function. From what I hear, they get better once I start the stims, so I'm (hopefully) on the home stretch. I took my last birth control pill yesterday, so I'm waiting on AF again. Once she gets here, I go in for my Lupron eval to make sure I'm "totally supressed" (no cysts, low estrogen level, no signs of ovulation whatsoever). If I pass, I start stims that night, and 9 - 12 days later I have my egg retrieval. I'm already spotting, so I'm expecting to see her soon!

She got here

2006-10-23T12:47:00.000-04:00

I just wanted to share that AF finally arrived! She got here yesterday (Sunday) and I started my birth control pills the same day. I guess we're on our way now. I have my mock embryo transfer next week and I start my Lupron (the first shots) on the 7th. My nurse, Cathy, said that my schedule should arrive in the mail today or tomorrow. I'm nervous, scared, worried, excited and happy all at once!

Stuck

2006-10-18T12:42:00.001-04:00

I know I should post more often. There have definitely been things going on, but I haven't even had the ability to sit down and write about them. First, I'm still waiting for my period to get here. It's taking SO LONG!!! I finished my Provera a week ago, so I'm really not sure what the holdup is. As soon as she gets here, I start birth control pills and my IVF adventure is officially started.

The whole insurance thing I wrote about yesterday fell apart :( I don't really feel like going into it all again, but it's probably enough to say we're back to paying $22k for shared risk. I know it's a whole lot of money, but it's the only way we have a guarantee of any sort. It covers up to 6 cycles of IVF and any frozen cycles that we can do in between those cycles. Plus, if we decide to quit at any time, or if we do the 6 cycles and end up with no baby, we get all of our money back. We decided that the reduced stress of knowing EXACTLY what it's going to cost is worth the extra cost if we happen to be lucky enough to get pregnant on the first IVF cycle.

I went to my injections class yesterday. There was so much to learn! I think I'm about as ready as I'm going to be for it to all get going. The only really bad part was that they made me take 2 practice shots at the end of the class. I was totally not prepared!!! I gave myself a shot in my stomach right there in the clinic, but I couldn't pull it together enough for my husband to give me a shot in my hip/butt while we were there. We took the syringe home and were able to do it last night. Actually, his shot hurt less than mine did!

Now we just need my period to get here!!

a little better...

2006-10-11T22:48:00.001-04:00

First, I want to thank everyone who offered support either as a comment to my last post or by sending me an email. It makes me feel better to know that people care.

After my last post, I had a good cry. It's amazing the difference that can make. I feel better now. I am still stressed out about the whole IVF thing (the shots, the cost, the fear it won't work, etc), but I feel like I can handle it. Moreover, I feel like we can handle it. When I had my mini-breakdown, DH was right there to hold me and promise it would be ok. It may be hard, but we will get through this.

Once I calmed down, I found an insurance plan that will cover 50% of our IVF costs. That means we'll probably still end up paying $6000 or so, but that's better than it was. I am going to have to deal with the fact that it's an HMO, so I'll have to beg for a referral back to the reproductive endocrinologist. The thing is, I have to believe they'll give me the referral. We're not a borderline case, so it's pretty clear that we need the specialist. Hopefully they'll see it the same way!

Insurance :(

2006-10-10T13:42:00.001-04:00

IVF is a really expensive procedure. I'm sure everyone already knows this, but it's becoming more and more obvious to me with each day. Well, I suppose it's more accurate to say it's becoming more real to me. Finding a way to pay for all of this has been such a roller coaster. First, I was devastated because it was going to cost $10,500 + the cost of meds for one try (or $22,000 + meds for up to 6 tries with a refund if it doesn't work). I had no idea how we would come up with the money.

I prayed about it, and 3 days later I got a notice that said I could participate in a study that would reduce the cost to $4,500 and would cover the meds. I felt like it would be ok suddenly. The next day, when I called the study coordinator to start the paperwork to enroll in the study, I found out I don't qualify because of my PCOS :-( I don't understand why they sent the forms and got my hope up in the first place! They're the ones who diagnosed my PCOS!!!

Next, I realized that I am responsible for our company's health insurance plan, and we're scheduled to renew on November 1st. So, I started my quest to find insurance that would cover IVF. I talked to one broker who said he had a plan that would work for us. We got to the point of sending in the application then he realized they can't offer the plan to people in Maryland (grrrr!!!!) Then a friend of mine said that her company had a plan that offers IVF. Unfortunately, no one seems to be able to replicate that plan for us, even the woman who sold it to them! Now, I'm just about to fall apart. This is all too much!!!

Oh yeah, and we're building a house too

2006-10-07T19:13:00.000-04:00

I forgot to include this info in my post earlier today. In addition to all the "baby stuff" as my husband calls it, we're also in the home stretch of building a new house. We signed the contract back in March, so we had no idea that all of this would happen at the same time. As it is now, they're done with all of the exterior stuff (roofing, brick, doors, windows, etc) and the interior framing. They were supposed to start drywall this past week, but it rained heavily every day they tried to do it. So, we're still waiting. They still say that we'll be able to move in around Thanksgiving. I think it will be December. Either way, it's all happening at once, and that's really overwhelming. It looks like our embryo transfer for IVF will be right in the same timeframe (late November to early December). I just really hope I can keep my sanity!!!

Intro to my life

2006-10-07T07:43:00.000-04:00

I can't sleep. I woke up at 6am, and it's been a hopeless cause since then. So, I decided to post. I guess there's too much on my mind to sleep. Right now I feel like I'm right on the verge of either getting all my dreams or totally losing control. There's far too much going on in my life.

DH and I have been trying to get pregnant for about a year now with no luck. Well, I suppose I should qualify that a little bit. I feel like we've been trying for a year, but I think he'd say it's more like 6 months. I stopped taking birth control pills on my birthday last year (August 2005), but we didn't start "really trying" until April 2006. Either way, I'm still not pregnant :-(

After taking all of the Clomid I'm allowed, 6 months worth (which was the only way I'd ovulate), my doctor finally referred me to a specialist. I went there two weeks ago, and it all feels like a whirlwind since then. I apparently have PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome), which explains my lack of a period without medical intervention (Clomid or Provera). So, he put me Metformin. I've heard so many scary stories about the side effects, so we'll see how that goes. I don't start taking it until later today b/c I had an HSG yesterday, and apparently HSGs can be dangerous if you're on Met (who'd have known?) At least everything came back normal with that test!

We also found out that we have serious problems with MFI (male factor infertility). When we got the results of his semen analysis back we were very surprised. He has 19% motility (should be 50+), severe viscosity, only 780,000 live sperm in the sample (should be 8 million+), and 6% morphology (should be 15%+). All of those numbers add up to a pretty good explanation of why we haven't gotten pregnant yet. DH hasn't really accepted it yet. He says he wants to wait and see a specialist (urologist) to see if he can fix it all. The reproductive endocrinologist told me that "there are just too many issues for us to really expect a solution to them all" and I'm inclined to believe him.

We have another appointment with the re on Monday to discuss where we go from here. He wanted to get all of our test results back before "moving forward." However, he has already told me that he thinks that IVF with ICSI is really our only option. DH is skeptical. He thinks that they are "just trying to sell the most expensive product." I really don't think that's the case! He hasn't been able to make it to any of the earlier appointments, so he's just been hearing the messages from me. I'm hoping that it will help him to be there on Monday. That way he can ask his questions in person, directly to the doctor.